How In The World Do People Even Work Together?

I've been working on myself for a long time. Professional development, personal exploration, books, classes, coaches, therapists. I've had more than one conversation about traumatic childhood experiences. And the better I get to know myself, the more astounded I am that strangers are able to work in the same environment and get any results. Or that people leaders are able to do anything to manage performance and morale.

We're all just real people walking around with our childhoods in our shoes. That time when I was 10 and I pissed off the wrong girl and she and her friends chased me and threw rocks? Yeah, I know that happened but it took me a long time to understand the influence it had on me as an adult. Mainly, don't say anything that might bother someone else. Guess how that guided me in my first boss role? I was nice but when "bad" news had to be delivered, I bungled it. The first couple of groups I managed did NOT like working for me. No help from my bosses above so I was clueless for a good long while, I'm sorry to say.

Leaders have exclaimed in wonderment, "My people are so different!" Yes. Yes, they are. And even more than you know. Some were neglected as children, some beaten, some given everything they wanted. Some were taught to speak up well, some taught to be assholes, some taught to shut up and listen. Some got good educations, some got by, some were taught by the world. Some made sure the group project got done and some checked out but got the good group grade. Some threw the rocks and some dodged them. Some of us had to wear the turquoise stretch pants with a stiff denim patch in the knee from being chased and falling down.

And then we put these people together in a building (or a group or whatever) and expect them to do their jobs with each other, communicate well, solve problems, deal with surprises, work hard, make the right kind of trouble or no trouble at all. Good grief.

I know I'm not saying anything new here. I know there are a gazillion books, podcasts, training programs, and thought leaders who address this. There are theories and frameworks and studies. But sometimes I see this stuff packaged into something corporatey, with a catchy name and a six-step process and I wonder, where are the real people in all of this?

That's it. Maybe we'll just stand here in the mystery and wonder of people. And try to do no harm.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stop Being Nice

Don't be nice to your employees. Just don't. I wonder what you thought about when reading those two short lines. It doesn't sound very positive, does it?  The word nice can mean so many things. One dictionary listing defines it as "Pleasing and agreeable in nature." Well, I can tell you I was raised to be pleasing and agreeable to a fault and it hasn't served me very well as a boss or as a human in regular life. Another listing defines it as "Exhibiting courtesy and politeness." This one is better. For everyone, and for bosses.  Time and again I've heard from leaders that they finally let someone go after giving the person many, many chances. They tried so hard to keep the person employed, find a role that would work when other roles didn't, etc etc. I've heard more than once, "I guess I was too nice." Yup.  Sometimes that niceness results in a complaint after the termination, rubbing salt into the wound. I have a friend who is
Read more

The Truth Will Set You Free

Fourteen years ago, I took a class at a tiny local theater. The goal was to create and then perform, a ten-minute monologue, which would happen on the last day of the class in front of an invitation-only audience. Our instructors - actors and improv people - led our group of eight through many exercises to stimulate creativity and practice the skills we'd need to stage and perform our pieces at the end. One of the writing exercises was called "The Truth Is." A timer was set for eight minutes and we were instructed to begin with those words, then just let the pen go where it wished. If you got bored, you'd start a new paragraph but it had to start with "The truth is..." and go from there. Afterward, each person got on stage and read their writing aloud. I took that class seventeen times over six years. All of my monologues came from the writings that began with "The truth is..." (Some of them are on YouTube if you're curious.) Lately, when I use
Read more

Aarrgh, Performance Evaluations!

Annual reviews don't have to be "aarrgh" but most people I've worked with react to them with distaste, if not downright abhorrence.  The chief complaint from leaders seems to be that they take too long to write. There's a cure for that. The cure is, do the work throughout the year and don't wait until it's time to write a review to figure out what to say. Here is a fundamental framework for good performance management. Practicing this has many benefits, not the least of which is no-surprise reviews that are easier on everyone. 1. Set expectations and goals up front. You should have a performance planning period, usually aligned with organizational planning and budgeting for the year. Define the big results you need for the year and who is doing what. Get agreements about what "good" looks like. 2. Provide necessary support and guidance - as in, tailored to the individual - such as mentoring, training, providing resources, acting as a sounding boa
Read more